High Fives

1 out of 10

2023. The year that we leave high fives behind. Please.

They are juvenile. They are degrading. There is always a chance that your hands might not meet. Remember at school when someone would say “the secret is to look at the other persons elbow”, and then you’d practice it… vomit.

You know who really like to high five? People in cults. You know what else they like to do? HIGH TENS!!! I’m about to start improv classes this year, and I’m really worried that the people will try and high five me. Improv people just scream high fives to me.

Once when I lived in the UK, I got tricked into spending a day as one of those charity sign up people on the street. Long story, for another blog. You can just imagine the type of people who worked there. In the morning before they’d hit the streets they did “approaching people” practice. My girl feed me a line to say, then stroll past me, I’d say the line like “excuse me Miss, that’s a lovely coat” and she’d stop and say “why thank you” and I’d say “while I’ve got you, did you know 90% of kids will need a hearing aid” or some shit like that. ANYWAY, we “practiced” that like 20 times and after each time she’d high five me. Definitely top 5 worst days of my life.

I think I take after my grandmother. Once at mass it came time to give each other the sign of peace or whatever it’s called… the part where you shake hands with people around you. Anyway, my sister turned and said, “peace be with you Nan” and Nan folded her arms and shook her head. AT HER OWN GRAND-DAUGHTER! Can relate though. I was against touching people PRE pandemic. #influencer

There is one exception. The only acceptable time to high five is when the other party is a dog.

But hey, that’s just my opinion.

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