Love Actually Storylines Ranked

Love Actually is a great movie and I won’t hear otherwise. Anyone who doesn’t like it probably enjoyed Holidate.

9. Sarah, Karl, Michael & Sarah’s Phone

This is my least favourite mainly due to that bloody Nokia ringtone. My parents had the same ringtone and it just drove me crazy. Also, just a gloomy storyline.

8. John & Judy

This is a sweet story but when it first came out and my Mum got in on DVD, they used to make me leave the room for these scenes cause I “was too young” and I’ve got like PTSD from it. I feel like I shouldn’t be watching them. Also, I want to vomit when Judy says, “All I want for Christmas is you”. Cringe city.

7. Colin, Tony & the American Girls

“…and he’s got a big knoooooooob”. Risky setting a storyline in another country. Look, I’m happy for Colin, but once that girl meets some more English guys, she’s going to realise Colin is a tool and dump him.

6. Juliet, Peter & Mark

This storyline cops a lot of shit and yeah, your best mate and your new wife snogging behind your back isn’t great, but it was just one little kiss. But honestly, if someone turned up to my place with all the cards and the carols playing, I’d probably give them a quick kiss too. (Don’t try it. I live in secure complex that’ll be just awkward when you buzz up and I ask why you are here.)

5. Daniel, Sam & their loves

The actor playing Sam still looks so young, he could probably step in and play this role again. I love that we get to see a soft side of Liam Neeson and of course their story gives us the best part in the whole film… when Sam’s girl points at him, he smiles, then she points at all the other people in the crowd. Classic.

4. Jamie & Aurelia

“You learnt English”, “Just in cases”. Too cute. Are we concerned that they got married before ever having a real conversation? They were vibing with each other and mostly on the same page, so I’m sure they’ll be fine.

3. Harry, Karen & the office tart

Without a doubt the saddest one for me. I will never forgive Snape for it. I’m proud of Trelawny for holding it together for the kid’s big night but then confronting him. Girl, your brother is the PRIME MINISTER you don’t need this cheating, CD giving bastard.

2. Billy Mack & Joe

Billy has all my favourite lines, like “yes Ant or Dec” and “I’ll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager, Joe, ugliest man in the world”. I think it’s also sweet having a platonic relationship of two older guys in the mix too.

1. David & Natalie

We could sit here forever questioning the ethics of this all we like OR we could just enjoy it with all its cuteness and dancing and carol singing and sticking it to the US President and short car rides with a child octopus. Just embrace it. It’s Christmas.

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