NRL Teams Ranked on Scariness

The NRL is back!

I am a Rabbitohs supporter, however there is a direct correlation between the number of games I’ve not watched, and the number of games Sam Burgess hasn’t played.

I wanted to write something to commemorate the return of sport, but I don’t know enough about the players or teams. So, I chose this instead…

16. North Queensland Cowboys

There is nothing threatening about a cowboy. Honestly my biggest concern would be getting in the way while he was cracking a whip.

15. St. George Illawarra

(I’ve chosen to rank them based on St. George over a dragon. Don’t @ me. Start your own blog if you don’t like it.)

They’ve got a literal saint. Absolutely not scary in terms of him killing me. But a bit spooky in terms of a dead guy who’s friends with God.

14. South Sydney Rabbitohs

If we’re going off them being ‘rabbitohs’ then the only things that should be scared of them is rabbits.

If we’re going off them being the bunnies, although they’ve always got that demented look in their eyes, the only rabbit I’m afraid of is the Rabbit of Caerbannog.

13. Melbourne Storm

I’ve survived many. Not too fazed.

12. Sydney Roosters

Roosters are completely mental and will attack you with no good reason. Don’t let their size fool you. While you’re googling “Rabbit of Caerbannog” you might as well google “rooster attack”.

11. Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs

I know dogs can be aggressive, but they definitely could have chosen a scarier breed than a bulldog. If this was a cute scale they’d be at the top.

10. Manly Warringah Sea Eagles

This was going to be a lot earlier but then I googled sea eagle and I must say, they look a bit dangerous… especially for a small dog.

9. Parramatta Eels

Eels are slimy (I presume) and creepy. A lady once had to get in a tank of eels on Who Dares Wins (#throwback) and I was scared for her. I’m not crazy about the ocean so eels aren’t too big a threat for me.

8. Newcastle Knights

I’m not sure if the knight is a good guy or a bad guy so I’ve put him in the middle.

7. Brisbane Broncos

What’s scarier than a horse? An untamed, bucking horse.

6. Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks

I think it’s universally acknowledged that sharks are scary. The only reason they aren’t in the top five is again because I’m not a fan of the ocean so in theory I’m safe. However, if they had laser beams attached to their heads… that would be another story.

5. Wests Tigers

I haven’t seen Tiger King, but I’m pretty sure they’re wild creatures and aren’t tame enough to be kept as pets. I also think someone may have fed their husband to a tiger.

4. Penrith Panthers

Panthers are sleeker and more mysterious than tigers, hence scarier.

3. Gold Coast Titans

I’ve seen the Disney Hercules movie and can confirm the titans in that are scary! It does make it less intimidating though, watching them get defeated by Herc.

2. Canberra Raiders

Raiders are scary. It’s in the name. I wouldn’t stand a chance going up against a raider.

1. New Zealand Warriors

By far the scariest! Their badge is exhibit A. The Haka is exhibit B!  

I once went to a Maori village where we had a hangi and watched a dance performance. They also chose someone to be our groups’ chief, who had to stand there while the Maori chief decided if he was friend or foe. I was terrified for the poor guy. Definitely never want to face the warriors.

Image: DMARGE

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